Leadership Success Depends on Having Difficult Conversations
As a Growth Coach working with many leaders at all levels, I continue to see many people struggling with having conversations that may seem difficult. The cost to leaders and organizations can be enourmous.
Common difficult conversation scenarios include discussions involving performance issues, layoffs, reorganizations, change, behavior, accountability, conflict, finances, feedback, strategy, vision, compensation, etc.
Why is it so hard to have such conversations?
What makes a conversation difficult?
"When we avoid difficult conversations, we trade short-term discomfort for long-term dysfunction."
~ Peter Bromberg
Difficult conversations are challenging for several reasons:
Emotional Discomfort: These conversations often involve addressing sensitive issues, which can trigger strong emotions like anxiety, fear, or anger. People may worry about hurting others or being hurt themselves.
Risk of Conflict: There is a potential for conflict, which many people try to avoid. The fear of escalating a situation or damaging relationships can make people hesitant to engage in these discussions.
Fear of Negative Consequences: The potential for negative repercussions, such as damaging a professional relationship or facing retaliation, can deter individuals from initiating difficult conversations.
Lack of Skills: Not everyone has the necessary communication skills to handle tough discussions effectively. They might struggle with articulating their thoughts, managing their emotions, or listening empathetically.
Uncertainty and Ambiguity: Uncertainty about how the other person will react or what the outcome will be can make these conversations daunting. People often prefer to avoid the unknown.
Cultural and Social Norms: Cultural and societal norms can discourage open and direct communication about difficult topics, making such conversations seem inappropriate or disrespectful.
Personal Insecurities: Personal insecurities or low self-esteem can make it harder to address issues directly. People might fear rejection, criticism, or not being taken seriously.
Power Dynamics: In situations where there is an imbalance of power, such as between a manager and an employee, the less powerful person might feel intimidated or fear repercussions.
Past Experiences: Negative past experiences with similar conversations can create a mental barrier, making individuals apprehensive about engaging in new difficult conversations.
Cognitive Dissonance: Confronting someone about a difficult issue can cause cognitive dissonance, where one's beliefs or actions are challenged, leading to discomfort and resistance.
Understanding these factors can help CEOs and leaders develop strategies to manage and facilitate difficult conversations more effectively.
What's the Value for Leaders in Having These Conversations?
Having proactive conversations, especially those that may seem difficult, is crucial for leaders for several reasons:
1. Building Trust and Transparency:
Addressing difficult topics openly fosters a culture of transparency and trust. When leaders are willing to discuss challenging issues, it shows that they value honesty and openness, which encourages team members to do the same.
2. Preventing Larger Problems:
Proactively addressing issues can prevent them from escalating into bigger problems. Early intervention can resolve conflicts or misunderstandings before they cause significant damage to relationships or the organization’s performance.
3. Encouraging Growth and Development:
Difficult conversations often involve providing constructive feedback. When leaders address performance issues or developmental needs candidly, they help team members improve and grow in their roles, contributing to their professional development and the overall success of the team.
4. Enhancing Team Cohesion and Morale:
When leaders tackle tough conversations head-on, it can improve team dynamics. It demonstrates that the leader is committed to addressing issues that affect the team’s well-being, leading to higher morale and a more cohesive working environment.
5. Demonstrating Leadership and Accountability:
Leaders who avoid difficult conversations may be perceived as weak or indecisive. By facing challenging topics directly, leaders show that they are willing to take responsibility and make tough decisions, which strengthens their credibility and authority.
6. Promoting a Positive Organizational Culture:
Open communication is a key component of a positive organizational culture. Leaders who engage in difficult conversations set a precedent for openness and accountability, which can influence the overall communication style within the organization.
7. Facilitating Change and Innovation:
Change often involves discomfort and uncertainty. Leaders who can navigate difficult conversations effectively are better equipped to manage change initiatives and encourage innovative thinking, as they can address concerns and resistance in a constructive manner.
Patrick Lencioni, in Overcoming the Five Dsyfunctions of a Team, makes it clear that conversations that may be difficult are essential to teamwork. By proactively engaging in difficult conversations, leaders can create a more open, transparent, and productive work environment, ultimately driving the organization towards greater success.
"You can defuse any difficult conversation by asking yourself, what could I learn here?"
~ Jerome Dickey
What are the steps to prepare for and hold a
conversation that may be difficult?
Prepare by identifying the purpose, understanding your emotions, gathering facts, reflecting on the other person's perspective, and choosing the right conversation place and time. solid advice comes from, How to Handle Difficult Conversations at Work, where the author says it all starts with your mindset, including reframing how you think about it.
Start the conversation on a positive tone, state the issue claerly, listen actively, disucss the impact, work towards a collaborative solution, and agree on next steps.
3. After the conversation, relfect on it, follow-up, and make some notes.
For more details on these 3 focus areas with and steps and examples, visit Agile Work Solutions to DOWNLOAD the AWS Difficult Conversations Guide for your next conversation!
Leadership is a life-long journey of learning that never ends! Effectively having difficult conversations is a critical skill for all leaders so don't wait to get started. Having helped many leaders develop their growth areas to higher levels of confidence, your ability to grow and learn is endless.
Is your leadership ready for the next step?
Contact Jerome to discuss your path for growth.
Jerome Dickey, MA, PCC, CPHR, Q.Med
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